Kyoshi with a Chance of Meatballs
by kdinthecity
Summary: THIS is what happens when you watch random movies you find collecting dust on the shelf and then can't sleep that night because of nightmares about food monsters! Also, there may be a little Avatar writing competition spurring on the idea as well. Sokka crack fic here, and surprisingly no cactus juice is involved!
1. Where Good Intentions Lead

I've always been known as "the plan guy," but I don't remember when the _plans_ started to evolve into inventions. I guess since everyone else had their super special bendy powers, I kept looking for my own way to contribute. I've only wanted to make things easier, safer, and better in this crazy war-ridden world. Admittedly, it doesn't always turn out the way I planned.

I suppose it all began with the meteorite sword. I remember the thrill of wielding something I made with my own hands. Man, I can still feel the roughness of the hilt in my palm and the touch of smooth space metal against my fingertips. Master Piandao probably never knew he unlocked some combination of creativity, spontaneity, and humility in me during those days he agreed to train me in sword fighting. I never made it back to his village in the Fire Nation to say thanks for the inspiration.

Ha! Inspiration is a funny thing, though, because Sparky Sparky Boom Man gave me some of it, too. That idea sounded much better in my head, though. Hey, how could I possibly know that when the combustion helmet shot laser beams, it would completely knock the wearer off balance and destroy an entire canyon in the process? Thankfully, Toph fixed things with her earthbending, but she exaggerated every movement with deafening force to make sure I knew how she felt about it.

My friends and family had mixed feelings about my inventions. Even though I often used waterbending for inspiration, Katara never seemed to appreciate my efforts. She especially despised the Wash-o-Socko I designed to clean my socks, accusing me of trying to replace her. But she always complained about how much my dirty socks smelled! I was trying to HELP her, for the love of Tui and La! It's not MY fault that she just pressed the wrong buttons, and my machine sprayed her with a huge gush of stinky water. Honestly, the know-it-all waterbender had that one coming to her.

The flying lemur thought translator was a favorite of mine. I love Momo and all, but we could never understand what he was saying. It backfired a bit, though, because the little guy had some, _err_ —shall we say, BIG thoughts. Aang insisted that Momo did NOT have a secret crush on Appa nor was he secretly plotting to kill the Earth King's bear, Bosco. Aang said my gadget must have been broken, but I don't think the thought translator could just make up that stuff on its own.

Of all my inventions, there was one that left a bad taste in my mouth—literally. It's no secret that I love meat, so making a machine that would produce a limitless amount of my favorite fare was going to be the idea to end all ideas. Again, with the help of waterbending and some pretty cool science tricks, I was able to do it, and it was amazing! But then I figured, why stop at meat? Here was my chance to change the world! With entire villages ravaged by war and suffering from starvation, I finally had something of value to offer them.

I was thrilled that I could help so many people! I wasn't just the plan guy or the meat-and-sarcasm guy anymore. I was the guy who could make meatballs fall from the sky. (The details of why the food came down like rain showers… well, let's just say it's complicated. To this day, my waterbender sister taps her foot and tells me, "I told you so.") My invention worked splendidly for a while, and I reveled in the fact that Sokka-the-Savior came up with the Best. Plan. Ever.

Then one day, everything went terribly wrong.


	2. Where Good Inventions Lead

After that one terrible, fateful day, I swore I would never invent again. It took me a long time to get my bearings, but I eventually moved to Ba Sing Se to take a position at the university there. I saw Toph frequently, which was nice, and Aang and Katara visited often, too. It took several years to patch up my relationship with Suki, though. (Things got a little rough after… the day that shall not be named.)

Aaaaand, whenever inspiration finally struck, I started inventing again. The ties from my new smock tickled my neck, and my lab filled with the smell of noxious chemicals. It felt good to be back. The Mighty Meat Machine (M3 for short) was nothing compared to my newest project. This invention could not only change the world, but the course of history. And since we knew how history had been devastated by the dastardly deeds of the Fire Nation and all, we could go back and FIX all that. What if the Air Nomads were alive again? What if… I could get Mom back?

I wasn't likely the first person to entertain the idea of time travel. Undoubtedly others wished they could hear the voices of their lost loved ones once again. The memories I had of my mother were starting to fade—the sweetness of her singing, the taste of her cooking, the smell of her hair when it brushed the tip of my nose...

Umm, where was I? Right. So, my sock washing widget and my food conversion contraption were both powered by mechanisms modeled after waterbending. This time, I used airbending as my inspiration. I tried to ask Aang some questions to wrap my head around the concepts, but he discouraged me from making a time machine. He said the spirits don't like it when mortals meddle in supernatural matters. I should have known he wouldn't understand. This wasn't some magical mumbo jumbo. This was _science._

OK, _fine_. I did consult with the swampbenders on the "vines of time" to find out how everything is connected across time and space. They, too, advised against doing anything "unnatural," but the information I needed was within my grasp, and the answer was all too clear. I simply created an airbending simulator for propulsion and summoned the spirits to guide me. Despite that last part, I will still tell my colleagues at the university that, This. Is. Science.

Of course, I wasn't going to tell anyone anything until I tested out this contraption myself. The question of what day in time to revisit was an easy one in my mind. If I could undo the damage I did with M3, then the world would definitely be a better place. I assembled the air scooter, grabbed a hold of the vines, and counted backwards from ten.


	3. There and Back Again

Kyoshi Island was already overcast with ominous gray clouds when I arrived. The small particles whipping through the air stung my eyes. I licked my lips and winced at the sickening taste of salt, pepper, and parmesan cheese. No, no, no… the timing was off! I had arrived too late! The giant spaghetti storm was already swirling, and my nickname—Menacing Meatball Man (M3 for short)—was already forming. A blur of green entered my field of vision. As the host of Kyoshi Warriors rushed past me, Suki turned back and screamed, "Sokka! Don't just stand there! DO SOMETHING!"

I couldn't bear to relive this moment, so I reversed the spinning motion of my air scooter and said a prayer to the spirits to take me back to where I started. I needed to recalibrate or rethink or… reconsider altogether. I had forgotten to form a plan for when I got here! I was spiraling out of control, but my vision was nothing but a whirlwind. I couldn't tell if it was due to the impending storm or the shoddy attempt at time travel. Then suddenly, everything stopped.

I slowly opened my eyes, hoping I landed back in my lab in Ba Sing Se.

Nope. Still on Kyoshi Island, the wonderful tropical climate I had chosen because the weather agreed with the variables needed to operate the M3. The gray clouds rolled in again, and as best as I could tell, I was back at the same moment as before. The warriors rushed by, Suki yelled at me, and then, I heard it. I remembered this part now—not knowing which was worse—the looming spaghetti monster or _his_ voice.

"Where IS it, peasant?" he hissed.

See, that was the problem with helping people in the middle of war. You ran the risk of making the warlord mad. Right on cue, Ozai had come to claim his prize. He thought my machine would make him more powerful somehow. I never understood this, really, although I don't claim to know the mind of such slug-sucking megalomaniacs. (Slugs taste bad, by the way. Yes, I speak from experience, and no, I don't like to talk about it.) Anyway, my best guess was that Ozai could just keep feeding his armies as they took over the rest of the world?

So, on this actual day in history, I told the Fire Lord where the machine was. In my defense, I figured it didn't matter because it had already malfunctioned and was creating giant food storms threatening the entire island. I didn't realize that he wanted to use it AS A WEAPON. So this time, I wouldn't tell him. Maybe that was one way to change the course of this awful day. (Saving Suki from the meatball and marinara avalanche would just have to wait.)

I had forgotten about the fennel flash flood, though, and I got swept away in an aromatic wave. I watched Ozai become a speck in the sky, swatting at oversized flecks of flying basil leaves.

I took the opportunity to launch my air scooter time machine once more. I closed my eyes and…

Looming clouds overhead. The taste of garlic and oregano. Suki's slicing words soon followed by the Fire Lord's snarl. I was stuck in a time loop, and I had no clue how to make it end.

I had to destroy the machine before Ozai used it to destroy the island. At least I had one thing this time that I didn't have before—airbending! I kicked the makeshift air scooter into high gear and climbed higher toward the gray abyss. When I saw my invention suspended there in the stratosphere, I felt a pang of sadness. It really was a great idea before it took on a life of its own. Maybe Aang and the swampbenders were right, though. I meddled, and it was unnatural to make food that way. And clearly I didn't learn my lesson, either.

I lassoed M3 with the spirit vines, dodging fire blasts from the deranged man who had just caught up to me. How could he possibly be flying, I wonder? Hmm, no time for considering the science of it, since the smell of smoke meant he was getting closer. In one strategic flinging motion, I launched the machine toward the trajectory of one of Ozai's attacks.

 _Oooooooh._ Sparky. Sparky. BOOM. In a normal storm, I would call it lightening and thunder. OK, now all I had to do was deal with one crazy firebender and go save my girlfriend. Meh. No biggie.

I have no idea what happened next, but somehow I woke up in my Ba Sing Se apartment. I rubbed my eyes, wondering if that was all a dream. The burns on my forearms suggested otherwise, and the taste of parmesan still lingered on my lips. When Suki emerged from the bathroom, I nearly lost it. She leaned down to kiss me. "Mmm, spaghetti for dinner last night?"

Suki and I had been on speaking terms but only just recently. I had no idea why she was in my room wearing… well, practically nothing.

"Bacon for breakfast?" she asked.

I nodded sleepily. So, I must have done _something_ right. I'll figure out the implications of my time travel experiment later, but right now, I'm not asking any questions. I'm not even forming a plan.

"You got it, _Menacing Meatball Man._ " She smirked as I did a double take.

No matter what happens, I guess some things may never change.

* * *

Written for the Pro-Bending Competition  
Round Five: Deja Vu/Groundhog Day  
Position/Team: Waterbender/Capital City Catgators  
Prompts used: cheese, gray, Kyoshi Island, Ozai  
Total word count: 1,944 (three chapters)  
Bonus: use of element


	4. Flitting About

This takes place at the end of the _Nightmares and Daydreams_ episode (and long before the previous chapters but includes an invention that Sokka mentions). Of course, this makes the most sense if you get the _Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs_ references. Word count: 902

* * *

"Your days of tyranny are over, Fire Lord!" Aang taunted his nemesis against a backdrop of fire and smoke.

Ozai's lips curled into a sinister snarl. "Really? You're gonna take me out? You're not even wearing pants!"

"No, Fire Lord Ozai." Aang folded his arms across his chest as a smug smile appeared on his face. " _You're_ not wearing any pants."

A quick glance downward served as confirmation, and Ozai quickly moved his shield to cover himself. "Nooooo! My royal parts are showing!" he bellowed.

Fiery red dissipated into calming green. Appa wandered onto the scene, chomping on a mouthful of grass. Momo bounded in behind him and spun around one of the bison's horns. They exchanged a series of squeaks and grunts, seemingly deep in conversation.

Momo then playfully tickled Appa's ear, and the bison growled in protest. When the warning wasn't heeded, a giant paw swatted at the lemur and sent him flying toward a nearby tree. Momo recovered in midair, but dropped to the ground with a dejected whimper.

Aang had only been an observer until this point when he finally found his voice. "Appa! You should apologize! No, Momo, don't go! Forgive, and you'll feel better!"

Aang chased his lemur friend into a heard of koala sheep. The mass of white fluffiness slowly shifted into a light airiness that felt like walking on clouds. He scooped up an armful of cottony softness and yawned. Momo and Appa would just have to work this out on their own, he decided.

"Did you get enough sleep, Aang?"

The young Avatar squinted into the bright sunlight, then shifted toward the sound of Sokka's voice. "How long have I been out?" he asked.

"Oh, it's midday, so a good 18 hours I'd say?" Sokka said with a shrug.

Aang shot straight up from his pillowy palette. "I should be training!"

"Breakfast— _err_ , lunch first." Katara placed a hand on Aang's shoulder to guide him over to their campfire. Although his resolve to get back to work was strong, he melted under her comforting touch.

"So, what did everyone do while I was sleeping?" Aang said in between slurps of vegetable stew.

"I picked out all the dirt from in between my toes," Toph volunteered. "I can _see_ sooooo much better now!"

Katara wrinkled her nose in disgust. "I washed our clothes. Sokka's socks were so stinky!"

Sokka rolled his eyes at his sister. "One of these days I'm going to invent a machine that will wash my socks for you!"

"Oh no, not the inventions again," Toph groaned.

Aang snorted, careful not to spew his stew. "Yeah, the Instant Chest Hair Instigating Goo didn't really work out." He rubbed his chest, wincing as he remembered. "So much for intimidating my enemies."

"Hey, ICHING would have been fine if it hadn't been for the unfortunate side effect of… itching," Sokka retorted.

"I'm just glad you shaved it off, otherwise you'd all look like a troop of hogmonkeys!" Katara scolded.

Toph grasped the front of her tunic. "You guys _shaved_ yours and didn't tell me?"

"TOPH!" the other three chorused.

The thought of his earthbending teacher sporting chest hair made Aang lose his appetite for finishing his lunch. He handed his bowl to Katara with a sheepish grin. When he stood up to stretch, Momo dropped in from somewhere up above to perch on Aang's shoulder. The lemur chittered along with the commotion as if he'd been part of the conversation all along. Aang was amused by his friend's antics, but also wondered if Momo could communicate with them properly, what would he say?

Suddenly Sokka reached out and slipped a band around Momo's head. "There you are, you little sneak! I've been trying to catch you all day!"

"Maybe I didn't want to be caught!" a strange sounding voice said.

Everyone went wide eyed and looked around for the source.

"S-s-sokka, what was that?" Aang whispered.

Sokka beamed proudly and cleared his throat. "I've invented a Flying Lemur Internal Thought Transmitter… or FLITTer for short."

"That's the dumbest name I ever heard," was the electronic response.

"I guess I will just let it speak for itself." Sokka held out his hand to reveal a small device with an antenna. He pointed it toward the band on Momo's head.

"You mean… the voice that comes out of that thing is what Momo is thinking?" Katara asked.

"She obviously has the brains in the family," _Momo_ observed.

Sokka glared at the subject of his so-called scientific breakthrough. "You should be grateful, you snarky little monkey!"

"I am NOT a monkey! Flying lemurs are highly evolved creatures!"

"Uhh, Sokka?" Aang interected. "I don't think this is such a good idea."

"Why not? Haven't you always wanted to know what Momo was saying? Just think of the possibilities! It'll take me a while to make a headband to fit Appa, but—"

Aang shook his head. "It's a cool idea, Sokka. It just seems… unnatural."

"If you ask me, being a _vegetarian_ is unnatural," Momo scoffed. "I'm off to find some tasty bugs to eat!"

"That's the thing. No one asked _you_ ," Katara mumbled under her breath as they watched the lemur disappear into the bushes.

Sokka switched off the FLITTer device and looked expectantly at his friends.

Finally Toph broke the awkward silence. "I think it's awesome! I can't wait to hear what Momo says next!"

* * *

 _To be continued..._


	5. Monkeying Around

Warning: total crack fic ahead, rated T for theme and minor language. Previous chapters give some context plus the whole _Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs_ crossover explains some things, too. More details in footnotes.

* * *

"Alright Sugar Queen, truth or dare… and remember, I can tell when you're lying."

Even though the gesture was completely lost on Toph, Katara glared at her and said, "Dare."

"I dare you to kiss Aang," the young earthbender challenged. "And not some silly peck on the cheek. Like a _real_ kiss."

Toph couldn't see the way Katara's face pinked, but she easily sensed the increase in heartbeat.

"No way," Sokka interjected. "I'm not going to sit here and watch my sister kiss my best friend!"

Another pounding pulse joined the ruckus. "It's OK, Katara. You don't have to," Aang said in a small, shaky voice.

"UGH, this is a stupid game anyway!" Katara shook a scolding finger at her brother. "YOU don't get to tell me who I can and cannot kiss." Then she spun on her heel and pointed at Aang. "And YOU gotta grow a pair if you're gonna face the Fire Lord. Come on, let's go train!"

As the waterbender stormed off, Aang just sat there with his mouth agape.

"I think you're supposed to go with her," Sokka said. "For a training session."

"Or a make-out session!" Toph snickered.

A beet-red Avatar quickly followed in Katara's wake.

"Can I play?"

Sokka went rigid at the sound of Momo's electronic voice. He pulled out the transmitting device, but before he could turn it off, Toph said, "Sure!"

"Uhhhhhhhhh… OK." Sokka shrugged and handed the FLITTer to his friend.

"Truth or dare, Momo," Toph continued.

"I don't want to kiss anybody, so truth."

A wide grin spread across Toph's face. "Ahh, but if you _could_ kiss someone, who would it be?"

"Lemurs don't kiss. We don't have lips. Try again."

The earthbender let out a noise of frustration. "Fine. Do you have a crush on anybody?"

Momo tilted his head to the side. "Crush?"

"Yeah, do you like someone? Romantically," she clarified.

When Momo didn't say anything right away, Toph started fiddling with the transmitter to make sure it was working.

"Toph, wait," Sokka said. He listened to the static sound for a few seconds before figuring out that it was actually a long, forlorn sigh.

"You have to answer, Momo" he explained. "That's how the game works."

The device emitted a series of screeches followed by disjointed syllables, "Ahhhh…. ppppp…. aaaaah."

"You like Appa?" Toph asked.

Momo became a ruffled bundle of fur, arms, and ears as he covered his face and nodded.

"Awww. That's so… sweet!" Sokka sniffed and placed a hand on his chest.

"He doesn't like me back," the electronic voice said. "He thinks I'm annoying."

"Have you tried talking—wait a minute!" Sokka raised a resolute finger in the air. "I've got an idea."

* * *

"Sokka, what _is_ that thing?" Aang was afraid he already knew the answer.

"It's Air Bison Idea Transmitting Equipment, or ABITE for short. So, where can I find our furry flying friend?"

Aang followed Sokka into the clearing where Appa was grazing. "I really don't think you should do this!"

Before he could grab the large headband away from Sokka, the older boy launched the accessory toward the bison in a lasso-like motion. The transmission began almost immediately.

"Is your name Sokka because your socks stink?" The voice was also eerily electronic, but deeper than Momo's had been.

Aang and Sokka exchanged confused glances before erupting into laughter. Of all the things Appa could open with, _that_ was certainly not what they expected to hear.

"Hey there, Buddy." Aang reached out to stroke the bison's fur. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," Appa said. "Of eating this same grass. And ready to kick some Fire Nation ass."

Aang gasped. "Shhhhh, Appa! Think of the children!"

Sokka narrowed his eyes. "I'm ready, too, buddy. It's not like the Fire Nation was _thinking of the children_ when they invaded my village."

"And when we're done tearing up those blastards, let's go take care of the Dai Li, those dirty mudslingers," the bison added with a snort.

"Appa! Vengeance is not the answer!" Aang scolded.

"You don't know what it was like down there! What they did to me! What they did to…" _Screeeech, scraaaatch, swoooosh._ "…Jet."

"Jet!?" Aang and Sokka said with unisonous incredulity.

For several seconds, all they heard in response was the static—a drawn-out lovesick sigh, Sokka finally realized.

"Appa's heart is racing like Momo's did," Toph announced.

"What the—" Sokka yelped at her sudden intrusion. But then he considered her statement and understood that she got it, too. "Yeah, I know."

Aang sensed that he was the odd man out here. "Hey, what's going on?"

"Appa, were you and Jet… friends? Under Lake Laogi?" Sokka asked.

"More than friends," the bison confided. "There's something about experiencing the same kind of trauma together… the same sense of loss and pain. It's hard to explain."

"But you and I…" Aang's brow furrowed in confusion. "We've always been together, Appa. We've been through so much."

"It's not the same."

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETCH!

Sokka quickly turned off the ABITE in an attempt to stop the offending noise.

"You made one for Appa, too?" Momo plopped down in the middle of their group from a tree branch overhead.

Toph revealed she was holding the source of the newest voice to join the scene, with the FLITTer nestled in her outstretched palm. "Should they… try talking to each other? Would the transmitters help them understand… or do they just work for us?"

Sokka winced. "I'm worried about what might happen if they 'talk.'" He made air quotes, then sighed. "Unrequited love is…"

"Heartbreaking," Aang finished for him.

As if on cue, Katara appeared in the clearing, casting questioning glances between the Avatar and her brother.

Sokka hoped to avoid _that_ conversation, too, so he flipped on the switch to the ABITE. "Well, here goes nothing…"

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETCH!

He turned it off again and stroked his chin. "Hmm. I guess you can't operate the two gadgets at the same time. Their frequencies interfere… or something."

Katara touched Sokka's arm with tentative fingers. "Maybe it's for the better."

"Yeah, you liked it better when I was all cute. You just can't face the truth, Sweetness," Momo mocked.

"Hey! Don't talk to her that way!" Aang roared.

"Yeah! I'm the only one allowed to call her that!" Toph retorted.

Without warning, the fuming Avatar grabbed the transmitting device from Toph's hand and threw it over the side of the cliff.

Sokka ran toward the rocky ledge, waving his hands frantically. "Aang! That was my best invention to date!"

"No, Sokka! I told you it was a bad idea! It makes Momo out to be this… big ole meanie. And… and… Appa does NOT want to avenge the Dai Li for his lover, Jet!"

"Momo wants to kill Bosco," the lower electronic voice interjected.

Everyone stared wide-eyed at Appa.

"The Earth King's pet?" Sokka asked.

"Yeah. Because the bear ate his lychee nuts."

"Your point?"

"I'm just sayin'… the lemur is vengeful, too. It's a goat-dog eat goat-dog world out there," the bison explained.

"All of this is ridiculous!" Katara exclaimed. "There's no way Appa loves Jet!"

"Why not? You did," Toph said with a smirk. "Maybe you still do… your heart started racing as soon as I said that."

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Aang launched himself at Sokka, grabbed the ABITE device, and hurled it over the cliff side to join the other mayhem-causing invention.

A long, deafening silence ensued.

Finally, Aang cleared his throat and spoke. "I'm sorry, guys. I just… the eclipse is in two days, and we can't lose focus. The inventions are cool, Sokka, but if they shatter my view of the only connections I have to home… I can't accept that."

Katara stepped forward and slipped an arm around his shoulder. "You're right, Aang. We do need to focus on what really matters right now."

Momo curled himself around Aang's neck, and the three of them walked back toward their campsite. Sokka and Toph lingered behind, leaning against Appa's soft, warm fur.

"Truth or dare?" Toph asked after a few minutes had passed.

"Truth," Sokka replied.

"You think they'll be able to handle the truth someday? And be accepting of each other's feelings?

"I don't know, Toph."

"Then I dare you to invent a KATTer."

"A what?"

"A Katara-Aang Thought Transmitter!"

Sokka laughed. "I'm done meddling with other's innermost thoughts. I'm gonna make a sock-washing machine instead!"

Appa grunted his approval of this idea, proving that even without the device, they could communicate just fine.

* * *

For the sparring circle: a love triangle involving Momo, Appa, and Jet. Why? Because someone issued a challenge, and with the monkey thought translator idea in place from the movie crossover, I was up for it. Why Jet? Because it seems like he should be involved in everyone's complicated love triangle, yeah? (Word count: 1,408)


End file.
